"Get out of the house. Don't sit around. You'll be sad and depressed. When you're sitting around and pondering, don't do it. When it hits you, and it will, make yourself do something different. You have to train your brain to divert its path when it thinks of what happened to you.
You'll be fine.
You'll be fine.
You'll be fine."
No one tells you how hard it will be to heal after you leave.
They also left out the part about how marriage laws are built around systematically oppressing women. You want to move on with your life? Your husband has to give you "permission"—a signature on the dotted line of a legal separation agreement. Seems simple enough, right? Wrong.
When you are married to an abuser, this simple piece of paper is just another way for him to exercise his control over you and your life. You thought you were free because you were able to walk away and leave him? Wrong. Legally, you are not free until he signs that document. Inevitably, he'll refuse to sign it. He doesn't want to lose the last little grip that he has around your neck. Then, he'll squeeze tighter. He'll make demands that you're uncomfortable with to attempt to blackmail you. "I'll sign the papers if you..." Egregious demands He won't sign them.
He will never sign away his "right" that he has to you. He thinks he owns you. It doesn't matter if you give into his demands or not, because this is just another sadistic tactic for his control and power over you. He gets joy out of making you miserable, because that's what narcissists do.
That's why you have to be strong—stronger than you ever thought was possible. You have to completely turn off your compassion and your empathy for this person, because they are only using your good heart to their advantage. They will say whatever they have to in order to manipulate you. (Most commonly, "I tried to kill myself when you left me.") You have to learn that this is all just a performance. The things he says are not real, but are just another way to reel you back into his cycle of abuse.
Now, that you've gained this knowledge, you will be fine.
I'll be fine.
You'll be fine.
You'll be fine.
You'll be fine."
No one tells you how hard it will be to heal after you leave.
They also left out the part about how marriage laws are built around systematically oppressing women. You want to move on with your life? Your husband has to give you "permission"—a signature on the dotted line of a legal separation agreement. Seems simple enough, right? Wrong.
When you are married to an abuser, this simple piece of paper is just another way for him to exercise his control over you and your life. You thought you were free because you were able to walk away and leave him? Wrong. Legally, you are not free until he signs that document. Inevitably, he'll refuse to sign it. He doesn't want to lose the last little grip that he has around your neck. Then, he'll squeeze tighter. He'll make demands that you're uncomfortable with to attempt to blackmail you. "I'll sign the papers if you..." Egregious demands He won't sign them.
He will never sign away his "right" that he has to you. He thinks he owns you. It doesn't matter if you give into his demands or not, because this is just another sadistic tactic for his control and power over you. He gets joy out of making you miserable, because that's what narcissists do.
That's why you have to be strong—stronger than you ever thought was possible. You have to completely turn off your compassion and your empathy for this person, because they are only using your good heart to their advantage. They will say whatever they have to in order to manipulate you. (Most commonly, "I tried to kill myself when you left me.") You have to learn that this is all just a performance. The things he says are not real, but are just another way to reel you back into his cycle of abuse.
Now, that you've gained this knowledge, you will be fine.
I'll be fine.
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