Free to Go

"You're free to go," the judge said.

Free to go.

Free to go?

The words cut through me the instant she said them and continued to replay in my head.  How could this be?  The man that put me through all of this hell was "free to go?"  The man who punched me in the back while I was lying on the couch because I wouldn't do what he wanted, when he wanted.  The man who said he would "choke slam me into the fucking ground" just because.  The man who kept me a prisoner of war -- who kept me awake all hours of the night to scream at me and wear me down bit by bit.

He's free to go.

So, what happens to me now?

Guess who is also FREE TO GO?

Never again will I have to walk on eggshells in my own home in fear of setting you off.  Never again will I fear for my life while in the passenger seat of your car while you drive recklessly when angry.  Never again will I be gas-lighted.  "It's all in your head," you said.  "You're crazy," you said.  Never again will I be cheated on intentionally to cause pain and threatened with the means to do it again.  Never again will I forced to sleep with you to avoid the "if you don't, then..."  Never again will I take the blame for what you did to me because

I DIDN'T DESERVE IT AND IT WAS NEVER MY FAULT.

Never again will I allow a man to treat me even a penny less than what I know I'm worth.

You may think that you have control over me, but finally I am FREE TO GO.