You Know I Hate Tie-Dye

Tonight seemed like a normal night. We're home visiting family. I thought that everything was fine. We spent the majority of the day apart from each other. He was visiting his family and I was visiting mine.

He shows up to my dad's house in a rush to get a shower and run out the door. He wants to go to the mall. I tell him I just want to spend time with family, not go shopping. He yells at me repeatedly to get up and get ready. I was already dressed. "You know I hate tie-dye," he says. He keeps telling me to change. I didn't want to change. I'm comfortable. I'm wearing my new shirt with a German Shepherd on it. He tells me repeatedly that I look stupid, ugly, etc. and that I need to change. "I thought you would want to dress nice FOR ONCE," he says. 

I can't move. I'm paralyzed by how upset his words make me. I can't believe that he says these things to me, his wife. And this isn't the first time he's criticized what I was wearing and demanded that I change. Why does he feel the need to control me? 

Me being unable to move angers him even more. He goes out to my car and slams the door so hard that I thought for sure he had broken the window. I decide that I must move to prevent it from getting worse. I must go to the mall with him. I have to ask him to get out of the driver's seat several times. I don't trust his driving when he's angry. He has nearly killed us one too many times. He can't control his anger. Maybe that's why he needs to control me. He eventually gets over into the passenger side.

We head for the mall. The ride is mostly silent until he begins his rant. I can't resist talking and trying to reason with him, although I know it will never work. I know he will never see the error in his ways, yet I still try to reason with him. Why? Why do I do that? He's still angry. Too angry. His gun by his side makes me nervous. I tell him that his behavior is not normal, that everyone sees it. He tells me that he doesn't care and that he doesn't love me. 

We get to the mall. Again, I'm paralyzed by how upset his words have made me. I just can't bring myself to get out of the car. So, he slams the door again. I thought for sure he had broken something this time. I yell not to slam the door. It is my car after all. His eyes are crazed. I don't even recognize him anymore. I tell him he's acting like a psycho. "You haven't seen psycho! I'll show you psycho!," he laughs. "If you had seen psycho. You'd be dead."